Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
