i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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