Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
