She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
