Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
