Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
