my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize