I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
