Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
