she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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