So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
