Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Randomize