The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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