why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
