I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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