my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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