It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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