I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
