Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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