i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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