wrigley field is MILF paradise
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
