omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
