i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Can I color on your dick again?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
