Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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