Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
