My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My liver just broke up with me...
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize