When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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