the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
