You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
