yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
