just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize