I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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