it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
