The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
