Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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