i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
