If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
