worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
where are my eyebrows?
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