She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
