It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
