If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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