You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
