The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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