idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
