WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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