mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize