Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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