This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
