Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Randomize
