That's intense
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize