so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
