just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
