the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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