You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
