Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize