if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize