So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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