fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize