I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
