she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
