she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
