Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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