Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
