Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
