My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The struggles of a small town man whore
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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