bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
