How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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