When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
