I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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