That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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