he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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