After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
