The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
