wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
