it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
