I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
