there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
