Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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