the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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