the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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