OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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