i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
