Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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