please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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