I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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