There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
