I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You made out with two different species that night
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
