Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
