Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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