D3 body, D1 cock
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
