How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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